I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
