A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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