im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
