How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
