just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
