yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
