Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
