I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
