I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
