At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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