why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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