im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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