I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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