I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
