Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
