My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
