For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
