oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
