yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
