and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
