sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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