my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
