He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
