woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
