nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
NoShamevember. You game?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
