Have you finally orgasmed yet?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How does it feel to date your dad?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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