Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
