she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize