Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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