In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow