I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.