I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian