the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.