Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT