i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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