My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
