When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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