ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
