there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
