this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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