I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
