Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
