My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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