I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
