I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
