We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
