well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
