even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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