I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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