I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
