This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
