i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
