Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
