I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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