Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
