I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
