Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
