THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
