he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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