Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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