WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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