Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
