I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
