ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
