I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
