bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk is not a location!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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