I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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