well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
