so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
