I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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